I have a conflicted opinion on memoirs. At the heart of it, I have never read a memoir I did not thoroughly enjoy. Perhaps, because it deals with real people, it’s easier for me to sift through the stories I would find interesting and those I would not. However, memoirs are not the same as a cut and dry nonfiction because it deals with memories, and so many conflicting accounts can arise and render the message or overall story up for debate, which leaves me feeling a sense of disillusionment that borders on disappointing if those discrepancies become too much to ignore.
That being said, I whole heartedly believe Tara’s earnest retelling of her childhood and subsequent self-discovery, and each piece of information I have seen outside from interviews with her family to the synopsis of her mother’s response memoir (unoriginally titled “Educating,” a blatant snark response to her daughter’s successful editorial debut) have only hardened that truth for me. Each story is like peeling back an onion, revealing more about each family member. She doesn’t bucket them wholly into black and white, evil or good, because even the people who are the absolute worst (and trust me, one brother in particular takes the cake) have moments of tenderness in her history, have a connection to her that really shows why, even with all the glaring disregard and abuse they levy at her and each other, it is so hard for her to break away. It’s an accurate portrayal of how familial relationships can fester into something insidious, both knowingly and unknowingly, fueled by traits and actions diminishing abuse. Gaslighting, unchecked mental illness, steep patriarchal standards and expectations, it’s all combined to create a false reality that has negatively impacted each and every one of them, even if some would rather not admit it.
Spoiler Alert
And it all starts with her father’s delusions and complete disregard to take any sort of accountability in his life. How weightless it must feel to live like her father, to absolve oneself of all blame, to give all his actions into the hands of God. One thing I will give the man credit for, he never bends from that belief. When I say all actions, I mean all. Crashed his car driving like a maniac? It’s okay, angels are here, and if we die it’s in God’s will. Severely burned himself by doing something stupid? It was God’s plan. Success of his wife’s essential oil business? Yup, you guessed it, God made that happen too. Nothing they do, not the knowledge they acquire or the injuries they receive, is ever seen as anything but planned out from God. And while I say it must be nice to surrender all your actions to a deity and not dwell on the fact that maybe it’s your fault you crashed your car and set fire to your face, it’s also absolutely infuriating for the exact same reasons, because when you surrender your actions to God, you completely disregard your own agency as a moving force in your life. Maybe God had nothing to do with you burning your face, maybe that was all on you and if you died he would have looked at you and said, “Yup, that was a pretty stupid thing you did.” And maybe he had nothing to do with the booming essential oil business, maybe that took off because your wife has been making and selling essential oils for years and hit the sweet spot for when they exploded in popularity. Sure, you can say God helped where I would say luck helped, but lets not give every action as preordained.
End of Spoiler
Through all the hardships and triumphs, Tara shines as a beacon of hope that we can push beyond the limits that others set upon us, but I do think some credit needs be given toward the extraordinary luck she received along the way. Not everyone would have a professor who can vouch for them to gain access into an ivy league school, or a bishop who would offer financial aid from their own pocket when they need medical attention (even if it’s refused, the fact that it was an option alone is a feat). Tara’s story is just as much a luck in happenstance as it is her own conviction. For all her parents objections and shouts of demons, would that not alone be a sign that this was a journey aided by God?
If you like a story with any of the following themes, I highly suggest you give this read a try:
- Rising from the ashes of terrible circumstances
- Battling religious trauma and delusion
- Inspirational endings that prioritize self-love and respect over toxicity
- A story that makes you slightly guilty for having much better circumstances growing up but not doing anything Oprah worthy
Book rating: 5/5, girl is killing it and I hope she continues to find peace and happiness